Embrace the Inevitable Change: Navigating Conflicting Advice as a New Mom
The most frequent complaint I hear from new mothers is that everyone has different advice. The delivery room nurse, the postpartum nurse, the lactation consultant (me!), the pediatrician, the internet, friends, and extended family—all offer differing opinions on how to feed, soothe, and care for a baby. It’s no wonder moms feel overwhelmed and uncertain.
But here’s the thing: they’re probably all right—within context.
Why Advice Varies (and That’s OK)
Babies change rapidly. A one-day-old is very different from a three-day-old. A two-week-old will behave entirely differently by six weeks, and a four-month-old has different needs than they did at three. Advice that’s spot-on one day might be completely outdated the next.
That’s why much of the information you receive—though seemingly contradictory—is valid for a specific moment in time. It reflects the provider’s professional assessment, your baby’s current developmental stage, and your specific circumstances.
How to Filter the Advice
To stay grounded amid the noise:
Give grace to everyone offering advice. Most mean well and truly want to help.
Understand your baby is evolving—what worked last week may not work today.
Filter based on trust: Do you trust the source? Does it align with what you know about your baby?
Ask yourself: Is it working? If both you and your baby are miserable, it’s okay to change course.
Resources to Help You Navigate
Two books I highly recommend:
The Nursing Mother's Companion by Kathleen Huggins, RN, MSN – A practical, stage-by-stage guide that helps normalize the ups and downs of breastfeeding.
The Touchpoints Series by T. Berry Brazelton, MD – These books provide insight into childhood development and how behavior changes before key growth milestones.
Dr. Brazelton describes these moments of chaos as “touchpoints”—times when behavior seems to regress just before a leap in development. Recognizing these patterns can help you stay calm and confident when everything feels upside down.
Trust Yourself
In the end, you know your baby best. Here’s how to navigate conflicting advice:
Consider where your baby is developmentally.
Evaluate whether you trust the source.
Ask if the suggestion makes sense and fits your situation.
Test changes one at a time to determine what actually works.
Don’t change what’s already working for you, even if a well-meaning professional suggests otherwise.
The only constant in motherhood is change. Embrace it. Learn to trust yourself. And remember—you’re doing a great job.